Chronically Reccurring Adipose Problem: A 6-Step Solution.

There is a problem sweeping the nation right now. Likely, it is happening to you as well. Chronically Reccurring Adipose Problem (CRAP) is becoming more prevalent everywhere. The illness builds up slowly, and eventually fills the entire body.


People who are full of CRAP:
- Work out half-assed to avoid overtraining.
- Claim to have some sort of fatigue, possibly adrenal.
- Spend more time doing mobility work then actual exercises.
- Drink a dex/malto/dingleberry/protein shake half way through their workout.
- Remind you about cutting edge supplements during a rest period.
-Are always 'cutting'.

Because of all these symptoms, a person who is full of CRAP usually is storing too
much fat, and coincidentally has very little muscle or strength. A phenomenon comes around the middle of May, where someone full of CRAP often trains very hard for a matter of weeks and gets rid of a small amount of fat while gaining a small amount of muscle. Although the cause of this is unknown, the illness was named after this phenomenon.

Now you may be saying "Thats me!" or "How do I fix this??". It's going to take a strong internal drive - this will be the hardest thing you have ever done. People will make fun, no doubt, but the end results will be worth it.

Follow these six steps to cure yourself of CRAP.

Step 1) You may only drink beer from now on. No protein shakes, no milk, and no water. Stay away from American beer, though. Due to the fake estrogen in the water and the birth control pills being put into it, American beer could just make your CRAP much worse.

Step 2) You will ONLY back squat. Thats your whole workout, everyday. Anything else is for the posers. Real men squat, and only squat. Each day you will squat. If you get injured, suck it up princess. If I catch you front squating or, god forbid, doing a chin up, you're done.

Step 3) If someone talks to you during a workout you're only response will be a grunt. Another option is to huff the old chalk that was stuck in your nose at them.

Step 4) You will only wear clothes from concerts you went to more then 10 years ago or ones with a cool saying like "YA, I USE STEROIDS. THANKS FOR ASKING". This will show how mean and badass you are.

Step 5) If someone asks for a spot on another lift you must say "DOES IT LOOK LIKE I CAN SPOT YOU??!" and proceed to shotgun a beer.

Step 6) You must only eat food you killed with your bare hands. No excuse here boys. If you didn't kill it, you go hungry.

Once these six steps are complete you will be a new person and the effects of being full of crap will wear off quickly. You are now on your way to becoming a Stubborn He-man In Training. Or what I like to call it, a piece of shit..